Understand your relationship
Diagnostics and treatment
Before starting
Journal
Resources
nfs Zorg & Welzijn
PracticeTrigger
A situation touches a vulnerable place.
Couples therapy
Transforming limiting patterns
Treatment focuses on recognising and understanding the underlying patterns that sustain difficulties, making change possible in thought, feeling and behaviour.
Recurring interactions
Understanding the cycle
A protective response can create tension, setting in motion an interaction in which reaching out and withdrawing increasingly reinforce one another. What begins as an attempt to restore contact or preserve calm can develop into a recurring dynamic in which both partners feel less heard or understood.
Treatment explores how this interaction develops, the emotions and needs beneath it, and the responses that keep the pattern going. Recognising and regulating signs of tension earlier creates more room to respond deliberately and shape contact differently.
Response
Protective responses take over.
Distance
Attunement diminishes and distance grows.
Repetition
The same dynamic is activated again.
Treatment
Four connected phases
Sessions 1–3
Safety and steadiness
We slow escalation and practise recognising and regulating tension. Both perspectives receive attention so that contact can become possible again.
Sessions 4–7 · midpoint review
Understanding needs
We explore the emotions, expectations and needs beneath responses. This reveals how responses evoke one another and influence the dynamics between partners.
Sessions 8–12
Restoring contact
We practise expressing needs, responding with attunement and repairing after difficult moments. The focus is on what can change within the interaction.
Session 13 · completion review
Sustaining change
We strengthen what works and consider how new responses can remain available under pressure. Progress is translated into a practical plan for what comes next.
What we work towards
Change in everyday life
Less escalation
Recognising tension earlier and being able to slow it down.
Considered repair
Discussing a difficult moment and restoring contact.
Clear needs and boundaries
Expressing what is needed, with consideration for both partners.
Greater connection
Room for warmth, closeness and cooperation.
Appropriate care
Participating safely
Treatment may be appropriate for
- Recurring conflict
- Entrenched interaction patterns
- Emotional distance
- Loss of closeness
- Difficulties with trust, communication or repair
- Questions about connection, intimacy or a shared future
- Relationship difficulties where both partners can participate safely and voluntarily
Other care comes first when
- An acute crisis
- Acute suicidality or severe ongoing self-harm
- Active psychosis or severe psychotic destabilisation
- Acute mania or other severe psychiatric destabilisation
- Severe addiction or current intoxication
- Current violence, coercion, controlling behaviour or fear of the other person
- Insufficient capacity to participate voluntarily in treatment
Good to know
Common questions
Are we always present together?
Treatment focuses on the relationship and usually takes place together. If an individual conversation would be clinically useful, its purpose and boundaries are discussed with both partners beforehand.
What if one partner is unsure?
During the diagnostic process and the start of treatment, we discuss what each person needs to participate freely and safely. There is room to explore uncertainty.
Can sessions take place online?
Yes. Sessions can take place online or in Amsterdam by appointment, when clinically appropriate. Once we agree to proceed, we arrange a consultation room and confirm the address before your appointment. There is currently no waiting list.
What happens after thirteen sessions?
At completion, we review progress, remaining concerns and possible next steps. The ongoing plan supports continued use of the understanding and skills developed.